People who don't give it their all in a relationship are setting themselves up for disappointment I've heard stories of mothers asking their daughters to stash away some money without their husband's knowledge, "just in case". People who dates more than one partner at the same time, "just in case" the first one didn't work out. Fathers asking their sons to draw up pre-nup for their would-be wives. Partners play mind games with each other, not willing to be frank and honest with each other. I can understand it if one party senses that the relationship is going downhill due to some reason. Or if there's a slight hint of infidelity and you want to protect yourself and your children in case it turns out to be true. What I don't get is when people do this when they have what could have been a perfect relationship, when there's no sign of your partner cheating at all, when you're just starting to build a relationship or family and then you go and spoil it before it even has a chance of blossoming. First of all, your partner is not stupid (most aren't). If you don't give it your all, they can sense it. When they sense it, they will start to wonder and ask questions. Since you want to protect yourself, you will be very sneaky and give half-true answers which make things worse because doubts are not cleared. We're not living in a fairy tale where no matter what shit you make your partner put up with, he/she will still love you back wholeheartedly and unconditionally. You treat your partner unfairly consistently, he/she is going to grow tired of you sooner or later, especially when someone else nicer comes along. You make your partner do all the work, soon he/she will stop trying because efforts are not reciprocated. Once you start to 'protect' yourself, your mindset is "it's going to fail sooner or later". With such a mindset, you will just prepare yourself for the worse rather than put your heart and effort into making things work. Of course, the mantra "do unto others what you want others to do unto you" holds true here. If you have no problem with your partner 'protecting' themselves at the same time and treating your unfairly, then it's your choice. Would you be proud telling people "phew, thank god I prepared myself for this failure", or would you rather taste what true love is because you've loved wholeheartedly? The former don't deserve true love and has no right to complain. The latter, true and everlasting love is not guaranteed, but at least they get to taste the sweetest and bitterness of life, and can joyfully embrace its end without regrets because they've give it their all.